By: Hillary Straus, MA, LMHC – Holistic Psychotherapist
As much as we all want to believe we don’t care that much about money, whether we realize it or not it has a great effect on us. Money is important and we spend a lot of time and energy trying to get more and figure out what to do with what we have.
Based on how much we hear about money, it would seem we would all be experts at this point. But, despite all this information about, most people feel pretty confused about the subject on a good day and completely bewildered on a bad day. How is it that we spend so much time on money yet know so little about it? A large portion of this gap in knowledge is due to the fact that we spend zero time talking about the psychological aspects of money. It might seem a little strange to think about the psychological side, but take a second, and see if there is a jingle that comes to mind when you think about money? Or, what about a saying your parents told you growing up? These associations point to the psychological aspects and imprints of money that we all have and are different for each of us.
Everyone grew up learning a different set of beliefs about money and what it means in their life based on the beliefs of their parents and the circumstances growing up. We all assume these beliefs are true and spend very little time questioning how these shape our future. As adults, the topic of money is taboo, one of the last great things that is in poor taste to discuss at the dinner table. The way we feel about money is especially off limits for open discussion.
As a holistic psychotherapist, I have found that exploring the emotional and psychological aspects of money can be a way to unblock areas of your life where you feel stuck. The ABCs of money offer a few ways to begin getting a deeper understanding of your personal relationship to money:
- Awareness – Do you keep track of your spending, financial accounts and other related information? Do you avoid looking at them at all cost, or do you have a detailed spreadsheet of every last penny, that you update and check several times a day? Becoming aware of how you attend to money is crucial to understanding your money “style”. Regardless if you have learned to “fly by the seat of your pants” or you are a careful saver, every money style needs to learn to have a healthy awareness of their own personal patterns of spending and saving. Awareness is the first step toward attracting abundance.
- Beliefs – That jingle about money or the childhood sayings you remember, these are the underlying messages that shape our beliefs about money. The beliefs we have about money dictate the choices we make in life and business. A great example is of a 40 year old man name Aaron*, he wanted to save for the future and change careers, starting a business doing what he really loved. He grew up in a family that struggled financially all through childhood, but also they believed that “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “you can never get ahead”. Aaron came in to work on understanding why he was running into obstacles opening his business and saving money, although he was prosperous in his adult life, he was never able to save money to make the leap to a new career. He stated “it seems like every time I make progress, something happens and I lose all the money I had saved”. Through counseling, Aaron discovered that growing up, his family learned some powerful messages from his Grandfather, the Patriarch of the family, who told the family, through his actions and beliefs that getting money is “hard work” and will usually only bring in what you need. He was suspicious of banks and financial institutions and never kept money in a bank account because of a deep fear that he would “lose everything”. These memories helped Aaron see that there were many ways his beliefs were shaping his behaviors that were contributing to his current situation. With greater awareness he was able to see where he needed to make changes and was able to start a successful business.
Connection – By connecting internal feelings, beliefs and messages about money with the physical reality of finances, it can help you to increase your feelings of confidence about making decisions with money. There is no one “right way” to spend or manage money, it all depends on your own personal values, beliefs and needs. Another client, Cecilia, had a very extensive hobby of collecting antiques, she loved finding treasures at flea markets and yard sales and reviving them to their old glory. Sometimes she would resell them. When she came in she was worried that her hobby would be deemed to “extravagant” and instead be told that she should be saving all her money. Cecilia learned that in her family the belief was that it was not ok to enjoy money. She was able to make the connection that her guilt was not about the amount of money she was spending. In reality, she could afford her hobby and it was not negatively impacting any part of her finances. In fact, she was able to see that this money was very well spent because it made her happy and she enjoyed and treasured what she bought and the experiences interacting with the people she met at these sales.
Money is a complex and sometimes difficult subject to address, however the rewards of examining money are plentiful. The upcoming 8 week group about the soulful connection to money is an in depth unique experience to help you explore all these dynamics and much more!